did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize