So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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