I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
