How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
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