Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
