You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
