69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
