My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
