In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
