I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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