So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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