This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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