I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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