he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
