Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
