Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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