apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
