Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
