someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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