Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
