Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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