My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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