Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
