Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
