i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
