He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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