It's Friday. Sex?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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