He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
