just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
