My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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