are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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