If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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