eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
