Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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