nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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