help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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