do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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