I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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