im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
