Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
