I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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