Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
