They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
