I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
