when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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