I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
