Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
