I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
