im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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