You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
