dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
