he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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