Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
