I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
