this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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