Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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