wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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