your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
