i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
