On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When did angry sex become our thing?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
