Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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