Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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