What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize