Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
