I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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