Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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