Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
