sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
