Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
