wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
