By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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