im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
