Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
