Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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