I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
