I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
