Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
