thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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