I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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